i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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