i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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