I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
