Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
