I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
