I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
