I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
