After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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