i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
