Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
