I just cut my nipple shaving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
