I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
