I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
