so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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