he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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