I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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