My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
