Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
