I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
