I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize