saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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