I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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