help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
