I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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