Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize