too bad you live with your parents still
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
