R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize