I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
