My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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