I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
