You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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