I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
