Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
