so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize