I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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