So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
