On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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