i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
