They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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