the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
