You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
