Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dignity is for republicans.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize