I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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