There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize