she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
