Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
