Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
