they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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