It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
