I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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