that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
