what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
