I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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