I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize