he thought i was a dude.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
