1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize