like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
