can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
