I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
