if i can run in heels then i can drive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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