her facebook's as public as her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
