Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize