Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
