Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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