I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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