Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
