my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
