I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
