About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize