Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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