I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
