OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
