Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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