I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
