I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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