One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I did not marry a roomba.
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